time goes on, and so we continue on our journey...

Heya everybody :-)
Well, it has been a few weeks since I have written here. I was unsure as to whether or not I would continue this blog as Andrew and I continue on with IVF. Mostly due to the fact that one of the hardest factors about our miscarriage was having to break the horrible news to everyone. But that being said, I don't think I would have gotten through as well as I did without this blog to vent my feelings, and all the love and support I received before and after what happened with our first cycle. I also feel that in years to come this is something that I am going to want to look back on, especially in times when I need that lil bit of extra strength to keep on going....
So with all that taken into consideration I have finally decided to keep writing :-)

After Andrew and I got our tattoos I think I felt a great sense of closure and was ready to move on. It was kind of like saying goodbye, although I know I will never forget, and I am very happy to have something permanently attached to me that will remind me of our little one for the rest of my life.
I think I was very naive as to what could happen going through all this and was not prepared for it at all, but now I am ready for whatever gets thrown our way, good or bad. Or at least I like to think I'm ready! I doubt it will ever get easier if we have to keep having bad news, but at least now I know what to expect if that makes sense....

As for whats happening with IVF at the moment, well, as you may remember we have one little embryo (a 5 day blastocyst) that was able to be frozen. And guess what, it's getting implanted in me this Monday!
Very exciting.
When I first had the miscarriage I didn't think I would be mentally strong enough to go straight into another cycle, I thought I would at least need a month off. But I surprised myself, and now here we are!
After seeing my specialist for the first time after the loss (whom I'm adore because she is so committed and lovely!) I think I felt a lot more at ease cause at least I had some answers as to why things went wrong, and was assured that all hope wasn't lost, and the fact that I actually fell pregnant to start with is a very good sign!
This cycle has been so much more relaxed (physically). I have only had to visit the clinic twice and have 2 scans. The first scan I started a drug called Progynova which is basically estrogen and I take it three times a day. It helps to thicken up the lining of the uterus....and then my last scan which was last Wednesday I have started these disgusting progesterone pessaries...exactly the same thing as the crinone gel I had to use last time..not sure why my specialist decided to swap..I think they end up being cheaper? Which is good cause for $100 a pop and having to use them right until the end of the first trimester I will take the cheapest thing!
Anyhow, frozen embryo transfer cycles are kind of confusing....I won't ovulate this cycle but those drugs I just mentioned make my uterus nice and cosy for an embryo to implant into and trick my body into thinking it's time to fall pregnant.
I have also been told my acupuncturist and my specialist that because I have just been pregnant my body is in "baby mode" so that's a really good thing, and hopefully means the embryo will stick.
Our only real concerns at this time are our embryo surviving the thaw on Monday, and then after that hoping that this embryo doesn't have the same chromosome problems with it as the last one did.

I could go on forever about all this but I won't...it's confusing enough for me to hear when I'm going through it myself let alone me trying to explain it to others lol
I still have a lot of hope for this cycle, but at the same time I'm not going to beat myself up if something does go wrong or if I don't fall pregnant. I am now FULLY aware that there is many areas for things to go belly up with IVF, and dwelling on it doesn't help in the slightest. We are just going to keep fighting for this until we get it.
When you have never been more sure about anything in your entire life, there's no time for second guessing or doubting yourself. You can't ever give up on your dreams.

Take care everyone,
I will let you know how it all goes on Monday :-)
xxxx

P.s In other news, my beautiful fiancee Andrew got accepted into the army!!! He goes away for his basic training for 3 months in Feb next year! Very exciting... just thought I'd share cause I'm so extremely proud of him! :-)